First blog for ages. I’m hoping it’s going to be something of a comeback but then I’ve said that before. However there are issues I need to get off my chest and others that have been on my mind for a while.
Like a lot of people I have a twitter profile. I don’t use mine that often and when I do it tends to be because I’ve seen red about something (and thus perhaps gives a distorted view of my opinions). But earlier this year some tweets I’d almost forgotten about got me into some difficulty. I’ve decided not to be too specific about the exact circumstances but it did lead to my twitter profile being private for a while, something I’m about to change.
Essentially there were two viewpoints that got me into trouble. The one I’m going to park for now concerned the scandal (no other word for it) earlier this year when a number of rape trials collapsed because evidence that would have cleared the accused was deliberately withheld from the defence. I’ll concede that phrases such as pound of flesh were perhaps unnecessarily provocative but it worries me that some feminists seem to think that the right to a fair trial might not be something of a fundamental right.
The other comment I made was a tweet on International Women’s Day which was a shout out to all the lads self harming. I’ll accept again that the linking of the two was provocative but it is true that feminist organisations have shut down attempts by schools and universities to use International Men’s Day to focus on male mental health on the grounds that every day is international men's day. Which would be logical if we spent 364 days a year talking about men and boys who self harm and only one talking about women and girls doing the same but the truth is closer to the converse and I think we all know it.
Before we go any further I’ll nail my colours to the mast. Yes, I am a man. I’ll also add that all my intimate relationships, sexual or non sexual, have been with other men. Which isn’t to say that there aren’t plenty of women I am on friendly terms with (and plenty of men I can’t stand) but my relations with them have never cut as deep and probably never will. When it comes to wider politics I admire many women who stand up for progressive values and to make the world a better place. I shouldn’t need to say that I abhor any violence or discrimination against women and have no patience with chauvinists.
And yet. What is it about the issue of men and boys’ mental health that sticks in my throat and leads me into conflict with many issues of what could loosely be termed the feminist agenda?
Before I go any further perspective is important. I think I can say with confidence that the majority of feminists do recognise that there are issues around male mental health that need to be addressed. Just as they would appreciate that the majority of men aren’t sexually abusive male chauvinist pigs BUT the problem is that there are sizeable minority who are. And therefore it’s the same with a sizeable minority of feminists who either dismiss the issue of male mental health or, arguably worse, sweep it under the carpet to suit their own ends (see the links at the end)
I’ll also acknowledge another counter argument I might well receive. A charity, group or blog seeking to highlight a specific issue is not seeking to exclude others. I’m the first to call out silly whataboutery when I see it; a low level example is when a group of female chess players decided to start a women's chess network and some idiot asked, can we have a men's chess network as well I told him to start one himself if it bothered him that much. However it is not always quite as simple as join this group instead or start your own and men and (in particular) boys mental health comes into this category.
Moving on to the substantive issue, I think most people are aware of the key statistic. Of all suicides recorded in the United Kingdom three out of four are by males. It is the single biggest killer of men under forty five. Which is not to say for one minute that the female suicide figure in isolation isn’t an issue that needs attention but given the ratio I think suicide can be considered an issue primarily effecting men at the root. I say at the root because obviously the knock on impacts mothers, wives, sisters, girlfriends and daughters.
Taking boys (under 18s) in isolation the suicide gap is narrower. Boys are only twice as as likely to commit suicide. But widen the parameters to general mental health and the statistics become curious to say the least – and I have much more to say about this. Girls are far more likely to self harm (one in five against one in ten for boys) and suffer from eating disorders. In every measure of mental health girls dominate EXCEPT suicide. So I don’t think I’m making a controversial leap that many instances of mental health in boys pass unreported and this distorts the figures in favour of girls.
So why would it pass unreported? Two obvious answers are that either girls are more likely to seek and receive appropriate help or that teenage mental health services and outreach are disproportionately tailored towards girls.
At this point I have to admit something. I started this blog with the intention of proving that charities and support networks for girls dominate to the extent that resources for boys are drowned out. And some research (in so far as googling can be called research) does bear this out. Services specifically for girls (and women) are a lot more prevalent and focused. And it is near impossible to find anything focusing on boys and boys alone (in terms of advice and support, there are plenty of academic articles focusing on mental health in men and boys). And there are reasons for this. Mental health and suicide don’t sit in their own vacuum; there are catalysts and many of these are more prevalent in women (eg sexual abuse). But at the same time this makes the male suicide statistics even more stark and inexplicable.
What takes me on to something else. The UK is not short of charities (a good thing). Obviously these range from the big beasts (Cancer Research, British Heart Foundation and other household names) to the many local concerns, often in memory of a loved one. So it’s wrong to say that there are no charities for men and (especially) boys mental health; they just sit within broader charities like Mind and The Samaritans. Following on from that you have the fact that no charity starts itself. Somebody has to decide that there is a need for it and put the effort in accordingly. There is also a suggestion that women and girls tend to gravitate towards charities and charitable work more than men and boys, perhaps leading to an understandable bias towards their interests (although I hasten to add that women raise money on behalf of men and men’s issues as well). But that doesn’t alter anything about the male suicide route.
There is one high profile national charity exclusively for male suicide; the Campaign Against Living Miserably (or CALM). This charity has been gradually picking up momentum, not least through a high profile GMTV campaign, but given that it’s in aid of the single biggest killer of men under forty five it’s hardly a household name.
Which takes me to the end of this post which has been something of a journey for me as I collected thoughts and confronted prejudices. At the same time I have largely ignored one issue which is sexual health and education among teenagers and the feminist agenda that (wrongly) presents ALL girls as victims and (unfairly) ALL boys as aggressors with a ruinous impact on the latter. But that’s a complex issue and one for a future blog.
And in a way I’ve come full circle. We’re still left with the statistic that three times as many men commit suicide in a culture that supposedly favours them. Girls charities proudly claim that mental health is primarily a girls issue when twice as many boys commit suicide. And my starting point and the tweet that got me into trouble; how many boys are sitting in their bedroom carving patterns on their arms and making other cries for help that never come? And why?
LINKS
I’ve already linked to Campaign Against Living Miserably but it can’t hurt to do so again.
Young Minds
The Samaritans for support for anybody contemplating suicide
Perhaps one of the best sites I’ve found is Papyrus which works to prevent teen suicide.
If anybody can provide any sites that are boy specific please let me know. I’ve not yet turned anything which says a lot in itself.
And finally, partly for the sake of balance and partly to prove a point, here’s a girl specific page. Girls Out Loud Of course it’s not in any way their fault that there’s nothing remotely similar that I can find for boys and they do a lot of excellent work but the statement (halfway down the page) that girls are 3x more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression than boysis notable. If they’d added but twice as many boys commit suicideto what extent would it have brought the whole house crashing down?